Parenting Pointers: Discipline with an Audience

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            Picturethis: you’ve had a hectic day—all that’s left is one quick stop at the grocerystore. You know this is not the best time to take your five-year-old, but youhave no choice. You’ll just pick up the few things you need and avoid the candyaisle.
            Just asyou’re reaching the check-out line, your child spots one of those big displaysat the end of the aisle—you know, the kind that reaches out and grabs yourchild shouting “CANDY, ASK HER FOR CANDY!!” You hear your son politely ask,“Mom, can I get one of those?” You answer: “No, not today.”
            Youryoungster loses it. Stomping his feet and waving his arms, he shouts at you atthe top of his lungs. The store is busy. It feels as though an unsympatheticcrowd is gathering to see how you’re going to quiet the little monster.
            What do youdo now? Beg? Argue? Hide? Leave? Throw a tantrum of your own?
            Accordingto Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of 1-2-3Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12, you should make the“revolutionary switch from talking to counting.” Your silence—believe it ornot—will speak louder than your words. Instead of pleading, persuading or arguing,you hold up one finger and—as calmly as you can—say “That’s 1.” That’s allyou’re allowed to say.                     
Your child has just received hisfirst warning. If his tantrum continues, he’ll get a  “That’s 2” and if he still continues, he’llwind up at “3.” Then what? Then it’s time for a consequence —a short “restperiod” or time out can work well. The rest period can be taken in the cornerof the store, in the car, in the restroom or—with small children—even in theshopping cart! No talking, no threats and no angry parental outbursts.
            Someparents say “That’s too simple” or “My kid’s a wild man; that will never workwith him!” Dr. Phelan has heard all these objections before. The key to 1-2-3Magic, he explains, is not so much what you do as what you don’t do: you don’tget excited and you don’t talk beyond giving the counts. You don’t, forexample, say “That’s 1. Come on now, I don’t want you making a fool out of mein front of all these people...” or “That’s 2. One more and you’ve had it, pal.Why do we have to go through this all the time? Your sister never behaves thisway! WERE YOU PUT ON EARTH TO DRIVE ME CRAZY OR WHAT!?”
            Whenparents control themselves properly, children quickly adapt to the 1-2-3. Thekids respond positively at “1” or “2” most of the time. Most of the time? Whynot all the time? Because they are just kids! Trying to talk to children at thewrong time can lead a parent through what Dr. Phelan calls theTalk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit! routine, and 1-2-3 Magic is a program that is dedicatedto eliminating physical child abuse.
            So, give1-2-3 Magic  a try the next time you arein the store, at the park or at a friend’s. To get the whole story, 1-2-3Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12  is available as a book, audiobook and video.  You will be amazed at how quickly yourchildren will respond.

Adapted from 1-2-3Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan,Ph.D.  Nationally recognized as an experton child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder, Dr. Phelan has practicedfor over 30 years and he appears frequently on radio and TV. Over a million1-2-3 MAGIC books, videos and audiobooks have been sold (Spanish versions arealso available). Visit your local bookstore for 1-2-3 Magic or any of Dr. Phelan’s other books, or call toll-free1-800-442-4453 or visit www.parentmagic.com.